


Rays on My Skin

by Desolate_Smog



Series: Never Alone [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bilingual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Family Dynamics, Japanese Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kid Deceit | Janus Sanders, Languages, M/M, Russian Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25725439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desolate_Smog/pseuds/Desolate_Smog
Summary: Soulmates usually appear when you turn 6. Virgil doesn't know what he's supposed to do when the language on his skin isn't his own, let alone that there's more than one person writing.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Never Alone [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866010
Comments: 27
Kudos: 184
Collections: Writer's Month 2020





	Rays on My Skin

Virgil stared in horror at the words covering his arm, hoping that he was still dreaming. Three separate colours. Three separate soulmates.

Everyone knew you were supposed to only have one. One person made just for you; to love and cherish until you died.

Virgil hadn’t even known that it was possible to have more than one.

He climbed out of bed and ran straight to his closet to pull out a hoodie. He left the room, chewing on his lips. What was he supposed to tell his dads? He was all wrong and broken? They already knew that.

But they’d be expecting to hear about his soulmate.

Maybe... he could say they hadn’t replied yet? His cousin had waited a whole month before his soulmate wrote back.

"Virgil?"

Virgil stumbled back, and Dad chuckled.

"Back with us, space cadet?"

Virgil flushed and nodded.

"So?" Papa asked, excited. "What’s your soulmate like?"

"Um." Virgil pulled at his hoodie sleeves, anxiety and nervousness chewing at his stomach. He couldn’t look at his dads. "They haven’t written yet."

"Hey," Dad said softly. "They’ll write eventually. You’re probably just older than them."

Guilt settled in his gut like a stone.

"Like Remy," Papa said, turning away and walking into the kitchen. "He had to wait for his soulmate!"

"Mmhmm." Virgil hummed. The question pushed against his lips.

"It’ll be okay Virge," Dad said, brushing a hand along Virgil’s arm.

"Dad?" Virgil fidgeted a bit more before he continued. "What if I have—"

"Virgil," Dad interrupted. "They’ll come soon. You’ll get your person."

Virgil shrunk away. "Okay."

Virgil hoped he wouldn’t get anymore people writing to him.

——

_"Virgil. Come here." Grandma said._

_Two-year-old Virgil toddled over awkwardly. He didn’t really like grandma much. She always sounded angry._

_Grandma picked him up once he got close enough, and Virgil whined, wanting to be let go._

_"Oh, stop wriggling. Disobedient child."_

_He wriggled more. He didn’t want to be with grandma at all. He didn’t like when his dads were both working and grandma had to look after him._

_"You take after your good for nothing father." She said angrily, dropping him. Virgil’s hands hurt from where he fell, and he ran away, hiding from her._

_"This again?" She grumbled, muttering to herself. "Useless child. Born all wrong. Takeshi should have known better than to marry a foreigner."_

——

The people on his arms looked very energetic. Red and light blue would draw all over their arms, on both sides. They couldn’t have been too much older than Virgil, their writing looked a lot like his, even if it didn’t make any sense; but their drawings were lots cooler. Dark blue could write better than all of them, even if it still didn’t make sense. He was very smart.

Virgil hadn’t written to them yet. He needed to know about if a person could have more than one soulmate first.

"Hey Virge, wanna make some cookies with me?" Papa asked.

Dad was out at work, so it was just him and Papa today.

"With chocolate?" Virgil grinned.

"You betcha!" Papa laughed. "Let’s take your hoodie off so we don’t get it dirty,"

Virgil stopped. He couldn’t take it off, Papa would see the writing! "No!"

Papa blinked. "No?"

"I don’t want to take it off."

"We can’t make cookies if you don’t take it off." Papa said.

"Umm." Virgil thought really hard. "I don’t want cookies."

Papa reached out and felt at Virgil’s forehead. "You sick, baby? You always want cookies!"

Virgil shook his head.

Papa stared at him for a little bit before he shook his head. "Well, what about this. I make the cookies and you be the overseer. Make sure I’m doing it right. Sound good?"

"Yes Papa." Virgil nodded.

"Let’s go then mijo!" Papa said. "What do we do first?"

"Wash hands and get ‘gredients!"

"Ah, that’s right!"

Papa went about finding all the ingredients while Virgil washed his hands.

Papa was almost done when Virgil asked a question he hoped would solve his soulmate problem.

"Papa, would you get a new soulmate if Daddy died?"

Papa paused. "Huh? Where’s this coming from?"

Virgil shrugged.

Papa’s face went all scrunched up and confused. "No, of course I wouldn’t get a new soulmate, not even if your Dad died. People only get one soulmate Virge."

"Oh." Virgil said. A horrible feeling was crawling up his throat and his eyes watered. "But wouldn’t you be lonely?"

"Of course! I’d miss your Daddy very much." Papa crouched down in front of Virgil, looking him in the eyes. "Virgil?"

"Hmm," Virgil hummed, avoiding Papa’s eyes. He sniffled, crying a little.

"What’s wrong baby? Have you—" Papa shook his head. "Tell me what’s going on."

Virgil sobbed; upset in ways he didn’t understand.

"Virgil? It’s alright, baby,"

"Only one soulmate?" Virgil cried, rubbing at his eyes. "No more?"

"People only get one soulmate." Papa said, wiping at Virgil’s tears. "It’s okay, Virgil! Your soulmate will come. I promise,"

Virgil shook his head, even more upset and unable to tell Papa why. Papa would hate him! He was born all wrong, just like his grandma said.

"Are you worried that they died before they could talk to you?" Papa asked, his voice high and making Virgil feel even worse. "Is that it? Virgil?"

Virgil just cried harder.

——

Virgil woke up in his bed. His head and his heart hurt.

He wouldn’t write to his soulmates. They made him wrong and he didn’t want to be wrong. He wanted to be right and good for his dads.

They wouldn’t understand him anyway. Virgil wrote different to them. They would all write at the same time, and Virgil would only ever wake up to new words.

It would be better. They all wrote the same. Virgil wasn’t needed.

——

Virgil’s seventh birthday hit. A whole year of ignoring his mates and a year of pretending that he didn’t have any to his parents.

Virgil had learnt more; his soulmates all write in English, which was why they all talked when Virgil wasn’t awake. English was a tough language—they were learning it in school.

The kids in school pronounced his name funny because it wasn’t a Japanese name, but that was alright. He thought it was kind of cool.

But the thing Virgil learnt most was that he was a weirdo. People without soulmates were just as wrong as people with lots of people that could talk to them; but at least they weren’t taken away to be researched. Virgil would rather be soulless than to be something worse than that.

Kids would tease him about it, and sometimes Virgil would wonder. He’d sit in class and draw over his hands, scribble on his legs. Worry and fear would always get the better of him and he’d wash them off before anyone could see them.

Usually he wouldn’t do it at home. He didn’t want to worry his parents, or draw too close to when his soulmates would wake up, but that particular day his head was all fuzzy. He’d shut himself in his room, and drew spirals on his thigh. The movement was soothing and helped him focus on something other than his head.

How whole body froze when words appeared beneath his spirals.

_Я не видел фиолетового раньше_

These—what?

The writing was yellow. It shone like a beacon on his darker skin.

 _That_ was not English.

Virgil decided to write back to the new colour. "Who... are... you?"

あなたは誰？

Yellow wrote back with a _??_

Virgil bit his lip and drew a picture of himself.

He wrote his name beside his drawing.

It didn’t work. Frustrated, He tried to write his name next to his picture like Papa taught him, with the letters that looked more like English, but were Spanish. Maybe the letters were more like yellow’s letters too, and they would work.

He wrote the first letter and stopped. What if he was supposed to write the first one like the English soulmates?

Yellow mimicked the letter. _V?_

 _What about you?_ Virgil wrote back.

Yellow didn’t write back.

Virgil wandered out if his room and walked to Dad without thinking.

"Daddy, what language is this?"

Dad paused. His mouth fell open. "Virgil! Your soulmate came!"

Virgil’s brain booted back into action and he was stupid. "Oh,"

"Oh, kid, they wrote!" Dad cheered again. "This is, um. This is Russian, I think. We can. We’ll get you lessons for it—Toribio! Tori, Virgil’s soulmate came!"

There was a loud clatter and Papa ran into the room. "They wrote? What did they say?"

"Who knows, it’s in Russian." Dad said, but he was so happy, and Virgil felt so guilty for keeping the rest of his soulmates secret. He hadn’t even meant to talk to yellow, and he definitely hadn’t thought about asking his parents about what language yellow wrote in.

"Russian?" Papa asked, walking over and joining Dad in looking at the writing on his leg.

Yellow chose this moment to begin to draw their reply. Virgil’s dads cooed made excited noises as yellow drew a picture of a stick figure besides Virgil’s. After they finished their picture, yellow added a _Д_ next to it.

"Oh," Virgil said. "That’s what I did with my name."

"Where—Takeshi, where’s my phone I have to get a picture—" Papa said, suddenly rushing from the room.

Dad laughed and pulled out his own phone, tapping buttons at it. Virgil stood to the side in confusion.

"D," Dad said. "It makes a D sound."

"Dee?"

"That’s right—"

"Show me your leg Virge, please!" Papa shouted as he ran back in with his phone.

Virgil and Dad laughed at his enthusiasm, but Virgil complied, showing off the conversation again.

"Aww, thank you baby! See, we told you they’d come!"

Virgil grinned awkwardly back.

"Tori, you’re embarrassing him." Dad laughed. "Go on Virgil, you can go back to your room if you want. I bet they’d love another picture from you."

Virgil hugged both his dads and ran back to his room to freak out a little.

He was so stupid.

He slapped his cheeks and wrote back with the weird letter that yellow had called themself, and then went back and wrote the first character of his name beside the original V he left next to his drawing.

Dee didn’t reply immediately, and Virgil got nervous looking at the time. What if one of the others saw it?

Dee had mimicked the character ヴ when Virgil looked back at his leg. It was sloppy, and not quite right, but it made Virgil really happy.

Virgil decided to draw a cloud for Dee. He hoped they would appreciate it.

Virgil had barely finished the cloud when Dee added lightning, making the cloud very cool. Virgil and Dee had drawn all across both of their legs by the time Virgil’s Dad came in to tell him to go to bed.

Virgil wrote goodbye, and went to scrub off all his markings and brush his teeth before he climbed into bed. He checked his legs one last time and found he had two more messages.

 _Ты идёшь?_ , and under that; _Да, ты. до свидания_

Virgil brushed them with his finger, muttering the sound ‘d’ as he passed the character. Maybe his soulmate was just Dee? The English ones had each other, and he had Dee.

Virgil fell asleep with a smile on his face.

——

Virgil could sometimes catch the English-speaking soulmates in the mornings. They’d write to each other with happy energy, but would always be silent by the time he got to school. The day after he first talked to Dee, the others were talking in the morning. Virgil decided to not send a message to Dee, to keep the two of them secret. 

Virgil was careful and waited until one of his middle classes instead.

_Д?_

No reply. Virgil bit his lip and hoped that he hadn’t ruined this already.

Classes dragged on, and still there was no reply. Tears welled up in his eyes and he rubbed at his face to make them go away. Virgil wasn’t made for soulmates. Good thing he hadn’t talked to the English-speaking ones. Maybe he wouldn’t ruin them too.

Everyone went out for lunch. Virgil hid himself away from everyone and let some of his tears fall. He was too sad to try and talk to anybody.

He checked his leg one last time.

_привет V_

Virgil sobbed in relief. Dee was still there!

"I... missed... you..." Virgil wrote back.

Dee drew him a picture of a pirate flag. Virgil smiled and helped Dee draw the rest of the ship too.

——

Russian was hard to learn. It was a different kind of hard to English. The only thing that made learning Russian easier was that it would make talking to Dee better!

It had been months and a routine was established. Papa had told him that Dee lived super far away so their time was different to his time, and that’s why Dee couldn’t talk in the morning.

Virgil had decided that he knew enough Russian to try writing in it to Dee. He started as he always did.

_Д?_

«Hello V» Dee wrote back, like always.

«I’m learning Russian» Virgil wrote underneath instead of drawing.

There was a pause.

 _!!!!!_ Dee wrote. «You know Russian???»

«I’m not good»

«I can understand you!!»

Virgil smiled to himself. This was the most energetic he had ever seen Dee, and it made him happy too.

——

Virgil didn’t have any friends at school. Even after they all found out that Virgil wasn’t soulless they still avoided him.

Instead of friends, Virgil had Dee and he had Remy.

Remy lived in Spain—like where Virgil’s Papa came from—so Virgil could only talk to him in the afternoons. Remy didn’t know any Japanese either, so they spoke Spanish.

Virgil thought it was kind of funny that his only friends couldn’t speak his first language. Sometimes he really just wanted to talk to someone in the language he knew best, but Spanish was a close second.

"Hey babes," Remy said as the video connected, "how’s school?"

"Boring," Virgil replied. "It’s too long."

Remy huffed and slurped again his drink. "Just wait ‘til you’re older, the work gets harder."

Virgil groaned and slumped over on the desk the computer sat on.

Remy’s laughter made Virgil smile, but he changed it into a scowl as he sat up.

"Hey, put that away," Remy said. "I’m immune to your pouts."

"How’s Em?" Virgil asked instead.

The smile that spread across Remy’s face was soppy and Virgil’s nose scrunched up when he saw it.

"Em’s great! He though he keeps writing me these ridiculous lists of TV shows he says I have to watch." Remy rolled his eyes.

"What shows?"

Virgil giggled at Remy’s groan.

——

«V?»

«hey D, what’s up?» Virgil wrote back.

Dee didn’t write anything for almost a full minute. «my dad got promoted»

Virgil’s stomach sunk and he wondered why. «okay? is this bad?»

«we’re all moving to :/!&6;($ with him» Dee wrote. The place name was unrecognisable, but Virgil didn't need to know the exact place to know this was a problem.

«different time zone??» Virgil said back quickly. His breathing was picking up. What if Dee moved closer to the others? What if they couldn’t talk anymore?

Dee’s message was a death sentence. «yes»

Tears sprung to Virgil's eyes. «so I won't be able to talk to you ever again?»

Virgil's leg remained blank.

They'd talked about the others over the years. How they'd both seen the energy and the amount of people on their arms and had decided to remain silent. How Dee had seen the purple spirals on his legs and had forgot that he was pretending that he didn't have a soulmate, and how Virgil had done the same. They'd discussed how they were better off together and keeping the others in the dark.

Virgil couldn't stand it if he had to stop talking to Dee too.

«no» Dee said. «I couldn't do that and neither could you»

Virgil wiped the tears from his eyes harshly. «what do we do then? let them find out?»

«I don't know»

Virgil looked away and took a moment to breathe. When he looked back Dee had written a new message.

«I don't think they look at their legs. we can talk in the morning and at night»

«and we just hope they never check their legs?» Virgil wrote back incredulously.

Dee was silent for a moment. «I don't want to lose you»

Virgil pulled his leg up and rest his forehead against Dee's message. "Damn it, Dee."

He pulled back enough to write, «we'll have to be extra careful okay?»

Dee drew a heart next to the message, a move that set Virgil's face on fire. He awkwardly coloured in the heart outline before he could overthink it.

«when do you go?» Virgil asked next.

«two weeks. they just told me»

«thats soon»

«yeah. I have to go speak english»

Virgil swallowed thickly. «ew gross»

«maybe I'll be able to find someone that can teach me japanese»

«I'd like that» Virgil wrote and started sobbing.

——

Virgil's grandmother was a horrible old woman. She'd lived too long and lost her humanity somewhere around her second century.

Virgil sat next to Papa as they both valiantly pretended that they weren't being glared down by the matriarch of the family. She used to tolerate Virgil until she learnt that his soulmate lived somewhere other than Japan, and then he became persona non grata. (Papa taught him that)

They had all gathered together for Virgil's grandmother's birthday (she was turning one thousand, probably) and the house was filled with extended family that Virgil barely knew.

"We should be grateful she can't actually set us on fire with her eyes, mijo." Papa said in Spanish, as grandma was pulled into a conversation with a young woman who was probably Virgil's cousin.

"You dare speak in Spanish in this house?" Virgil replied in Spanish, a fake horrified look on his face.

Papa nodded solemnly. "Her eyes make me forget Japanese,"

"That's funny," Virgil said. "I actually think she's trying to make you forget Spanish,"

"What do you think she'd do if I glared back?"

Virgil raised an eyebrow at his father. "I think you'd turn to stone."

Papa looked to the side, his lips pursed in thought. "I could live with being a statue if it meant I didn't have to be near her anymore."

"Boys," Dad interrupted, "are you really sitting over here and insulting my mother in a language she can't speak?"

"Yes," they both said.

Dad laughed, sitting on the couch with them, pulling Virgil into his lap.

"Dad," Virgil complained in Japanese. "I'm too old to sit in your lap anymore."

Dad rubbed his nose into Virgil's neck, making him squeal and try pull away.

"You're never too old to sit in our laps, Virge," Papa said back in Japanese, smiling at them.

"Noo," Virgil whined. "I'm twelve, I'm too old!"

"I'll still want you to sit in my lap when you're thirty!" Dad said, hugging Virgil close to him. "You'll always be our little boy."

Virgil's secret jumped up his throat and hit the back of his teeth. Would he? Even if he was born wrong and had too many people writing on his skin?

"There's nothing you could do to make us love you any less," Papa added, leaning in and resting against Dad and Virgil.

"Not even if I turn out like grandma?"

Dad's laugh rumbled through Virgil's body. "Not even then."

Virgil bit his lip and turned to look at Papa. "I think she's a demon."

Papa's giggles brought grandma's glare back over to them.

——

It was early morning and Dee had finally written something to him. They had decided before Dee left that they wouldn't say anything to each other until Dee was settled in his new home. It was a long five days.

Virgil pulled back a sleeve to check his arms and breathed out a shaky breath when he saw the other three writing to one another.

«time?» Dee wrote. «it's 7 pm here»

«8 am» Virgil wrote, and then checked his arm again. They were all still writing. Virgil still didn't know English well enough to know what they were talking about.

Dee had erased his previous message when Virgil looked back. «that's quite the difference»

«too big» Virgil complained as he stood up and looked for something to rub away his messages.

"Virgil," Dad shouted from across the house, "are you ready for school?"

Virgil groaned. "Yeah, one second!"

«I enjoyed not seeing purple while we travelled» Dee said.

Virgil huffed a laugh at the blatant lie. «I missed you too»

"You're going to be late Virgil!"

"One more second!"

«I have to go now, D» Virgil wrote. «have nightmares for me»

He grabbed tissues and wet them in the bathroom. He lifted his leg up once again to erase all his messages.

«of course I will» Dee had replied. «this whole place is a nightmare»

Virgil giggled and started rubbing the words away. He wished he could leave them, but with the others awake it was too risky.

He drew Dee a heart and erased it immediately, dropping his boxer leg and jogging into his room to pull on the right pants.

He pushed up his sleeve one last time and sighed in relief as the other three continued to write.

Maybe this could work.

——

"Hey, how's Dee going?" Remy asked.

They had been talking for hours at this point, and Papa had already come in to tell him to say goodbye.

"Good," Virgil replied. "He moved overseas somewhere a while ago and now he has to talk English all the time."

Remy burst out into laughter. "Suck it Vee, you'll have to learn English too!"

"Noooo," Virgil groaned. "I hate it. I know too many languages,"

"Spanish is better anyway, babe." Remy shrugged.

"You mean Japanese." Virgil shot back.

Remy lowered his sunglasses down his nose and squinted at Virgil. "Excuse me bit—"

"Remy!" Papa yelled. "Virgil, say goodbye. For real this time."

"Bye squirt,"

"See you, old man." Virgil said, poking his tongue out.

"Motherf—"

"Remy!"

——

It was a Sunday afternoon, and it may have been a few years, but Virgil still wasn't used to not talking to Dee for hours on end. He lay on the couch and wondered why his soulmate had to live overseas.

"You look incredibly bored," Dad chuckled.

"Dee sleeps now," Virgil pouted.

"Ahh," Dad said, as if the secrets of the world had been unveiled, and as if he hadn't been saying the same thing since Dee moved out of Russia. "You've got no soul."

"Dad," Virgil protested.

"Here, move over,"

Virgil sat up and stared at Dad curiously.

"I have to talk to you about something, and I think you'll like it." Dad said with a secretive smile. It was the same smile he'd had for the past couple of weeks.

"What?" Virgil said, suspicious.

"Well, I got a new job."

"What was wrong with your old one?" Virgil asked.

Dad laughed. "Nothing. It was a good job, but it wasn't what our family needed."

"What are you saying?"

"I took a job in America." Dad said.

"What?" Virgil asked, sitting up straight. "America?"

"I told Papa it was because I wanted to try something new," Dad said, "and that's true, but that's not why."

"Then why?"

"Your Papa is lonely here." Dad said. "He misses speaking Spanish, and he finds it hard to make friends in Japan."

"He does?" Virgil said, feeling much the same.

"He learnt Japanese for me you know, Virgil? Like how you learnt Russian for Dee. I didn't learn Spanish until after Papa told me he had arrived in Japan and that I needed to go find him. You and I, we're the only parts of Japan that Papa feels at home with."

"But what about you?"

Dad shrugged. "I know Spanish and English, I'll be fine. Plus, I'll have you to talk to in Japanese, right Virgil?"

"Yeah," Virgil nodded. He gripped his thighs. "You'll have me."

——

Dee thought it was very funny that Virgil was also moving to an English-speaking country.

«we'll have to start talking in english» he said.

«shut up» Virgil replied. «if you start talking to me in english I'll murder you»

«I'm so threatened. whatever will I do? my soulmate, leaving visible written words that I can take a picture of, confessing to his crimes. my soulmate, who doesn't know who I am or what I look like. V what am I supposed to do?»

«drama queen»

«as long as you can acknowledge that I'm royalty and therefore better than you»

«queen of garbage maybe»

Dee wrote something in English that Virgil promptly scribbled over.

«good luck in your new english speaking country if you can't handle that» Dee snarked.

«what?» Virgil wrote. «I can't understand you, I'm japanese»

«we're still writing in russian»

«russian? what's a russian?»

——

America was weirdly different to Japan. Papa looked very excited, happily babbling about things he'd learnt through the internet. Dad looked happy too. Virgil hoped that things would work out.

**Author's Note:**

> Papa (Toribio) is October (Toby)  
> Dad (Takeshi) is Antagonist (Anton)  
> Janus' name is actually Dorofey when anglicised (and he mostly went by Dora or Doronya)
> 
> Also, I am neither Japanese nor Russian. Please correct me if I've said something super wrong.  
> Shout out to Blue_Mistfall for the Russian help!


End file.
